goodbye 2009 - hello 2010

This time last year we were in blissful ignorance of what life had in store for us in 2009.  I won’t pretend that the last eight months have been easy.  However, somehow we have battled through it, supported and buoyed up by the love, care and good wishes of family, friends and neighbours. Thank you, thank you, thank you.


Who knows what the next 12 months will bring?  There will be ups and downs for sure, as always. However, we’ll aim to make the most of life, enjoy the things that are important to us, try to keep in touch with people and to maintain a positive attitude.  


Yesterday we picked up the forms to renew Steve’s passport which expires shortly. Now that’s what I call positive thinking! Jon and Sally helped us see out the last few hours of 2009 in style with a splendid meal. We stayed up to see in the New Year and the arrival of our first footers - two of Katie’s friends who stayed over.  We look forward to welcoming those who can make it here tomorrow night and will raise a glass or two to absent friends. We will catch up with you in 2010 - and that’s a promise!


The sun is shining brightly as I write, so time to blow the cobwebs away with a walk I think, before thinking about preparations for tomorrow and plans for the coming months.  


May you all have a happy and healthy New Year :-)  


Happy anniversary, Andrew and Jan - enjoy your trip to The Globe!

Changeover day, number crunching and more "thank you"s

It’s an in-between sort of day - Christmas is over but New Year has yet to arrive; Jack departed for Bristol just as George arrived from Manchester; the weather can’t make up its mind whether to rain, sleet or drop a few snow flakes. Time to catch up on some of the things we’ve been putting off…..


Because Steve’s chemo treatment involved many more visits to hospital than the standard treatment, the company that makes the trial drug Velcade will pay for our travel and parking expenses. I spent some time this afternoon going back through the blog noting dates of visits specifically relating to chemo and associated assessments, and collecting together the parking charge receipts.  There were 32 visits in all between 10 June and 11 December, a total of just over 350 miles traveling back and forward between home and the Cancer Centre. Add to that the parking charges, and it begins to mount up…..


Looking back over the blog has also stirred up lots of memories - cannulas, blood tests, CT scans, X-rays, assessments, days out in “rest” weeks" between the long days in hospital for chemo. Still the side effects of the treatment linger on, but to a lesser extent with each day that passes.  A friend who has been through the chemo experience assures us that one day Steve will wake up and realize that he no longer has any side effects - we can put the sick bucket back in the cupboard and he can enjoy a meal without wondering whether it will be followed by nasty “off” flavours.  Thanks for the reassurance, Meg - much appreciated.


Re-reading the blog also reminded me of Jack’s efforts to raise funds for cancer research by running in the Bath Half Marathon on 7 March 2010. Many thanks to Sarah and to Hil and Steve in Australia who have already sponsored him, taking the funds raised so far to 47% of his target.  The link to his Just Giving Page is on the right…If you have any money left after Christmas, please encourage the boy to carry on training through this horrible winter weather - he’ll need to put in a bit of extra effort after all the mince pies he has eaten over the last few days!


Last but not least, we wish you all a very happy, healthy year in 2010 and look forward to seeing some of you here on 2 January!

the West Wing

We’re going to be in the West Wing!


No.  Not the TV programme, but the new West Wing at the John Radcliffe Hospital here in Oxford, where three of our artworks have been selected to be hung in wards and private rooms!


Here are Steve’s images:  

and here is mine:

I do hope that patients and visitors alike find them positive and uplifting.  Having spent so much time hanging around in hospital in the last six months, we fully appreciate the importance of enjoyable artwork to look at! 

the festive season

The run up to Christmas
The run up to Christmas felt like a bit of a sprint finish, but we got there in the end: last presents bought, wrapped and put under the Christmas tree; cards hung up and more news to catch up on; the festive season menu chosen and food shopping finished; all the time keeping an eye on the weather forecast as the snow and ice wreaked chaos on roads and public transport. The celebrations kicked off with pre-Christmas drinks with friends on Wednesday which helped to get us in a festive mood. A last minute reprieve in the weather meant that both Jack and Katie arrived home safely and on time on Christmas Eve, and all was well.


Christmas Day and Boxing Day
After all the rushing about, it great to chill out on Christmas Day with a lazy breakfast, a visit a few doors away to feed a friend’s cat, followed by presents, from fresh flowers to fabulous things to eat and drink, homemade goodies, feasts for the eyes and charity presents with a healthcare theme (very apt) amongst other things!  Many, many thanks to everyone for your generosity! The Christmas meal went off without a hitch and we enjoyed an evening of tennis, motor racing and trivial pursuit on Jack’s new games console.


Katie’s friend Emily joined us for our Boxing Day walk. Other years we have headed for the hills (well, they count as hills around here - Shotover, Wittenham Clumps and the White Horse Hill).  This year, we stayed closer to home and on the level, with a walk along the west bank of the Thames as far as Godstow, a pit stop at the Trout for refreshment, and home via the wide open spaces of Port Meadow, trying not to slip on the icy patches or sink into the mud where the ice had melted! 

I put on the evening meal to cook for two hours before we were due to eat.  However, when we gathered in the kitchen a couple of hours later to prepare the vegetables, Steve noticed that the oven had only just come on…Not only had I set the oven timer for two hours, I had also inadvertently delayed the start of cooking by the same length of time. Doh!  So we were on to Plan B, something quick and simple that we could cook and eat in time for two of us to go out to the cinema as planned.  Thanks heavens for pasta and sauce - not our usual Boxing Day meal, but it did the job!  


Unbeknown to us, the hiccup on the catering front continued….Jack and I returned from the movies to find the gammon joint still in the oven, some two hours after it should have come out, while Steve sat in blissful ignorance in the front room, finishing the bottle of wine, having forgotten about it completely!    Ah well, that’s one way to get very crispy crackling!


And now….


Today has been a lazy day, catching up on sleep, news from friends and thinking about the rest of the holiday and the approaching New Year. Unspoken, but there in all our minds, are thoughts of how Steve will be this time next year.  Although the side effects of the chemo still haven’t gone completely, in other respects he appears to be well and continues to hold his own in the battle with Leo. Our first Christmas since diagnosis is over. May there be many more to look forward to in the future, as well as all the special occasions in 2010!

the shortest day

It was a very jolly festive gathering in Bristol yesterday. Katie and George drove through the snow from Manchester to get there, and made it only a little bit late.  Our great nephew Zac entertained everyone delightfully.  Nick and Kate’s “bump” was much in evidence, but wisely decided not to arrive early. How wonderful to think that he/she will be joining in the fun next Christmas!  In fact, everyone was in good form for our indoor picnic, even Steve who had been feeling a bit sorry for himself with a cold in the run up to the event.


We erred on the side of caution and decided to come home afterwards, rather than stay with Jack.  Looks like it was a good decision in retrospect.  Bristol was snowed in today, so we might have had a few problems getting away. As it was we’ve had a productive shortest day - the last packets and cards posted, the Christmas bird bought (so don’t worry Jack and Katie - there will be food on the table on Christmas Day!).  We even managed to fit in a good deed - finding a purse full to bursting and taking in into the lost property office at the Police Station. I do hope the young lady who lost it thinks to give them a call.


As a photographer, I would have loved to have woken up to a blanket of snow. Taking that hat off, I’m so relieved that we have managed to escape the worst of the weather, which has been closing in around us but not made life horribly difficult so far, other than icy pavements which are bad enough. Thank goodness we don’t have to go to hospital for chemo tomorrow.  What a relief that’s behind us for the foreseeable future.  My heart goes out to all those still going through the treatment in the festive season……


Not long now; things are coming together nicely.  Hope your plans are working out too, wherever you are and whatever you are doing.  It’s been so good to get all the Christmas cards and letters and to find out what you have all been up to - keep ‘em coming!  And be careful out there….

one step forward, two steps back

Just when we thought we were moving forward, the going gets tough again.  The tiredness that Steve has been experiencing since his flu jabs on Tuesday has turned into a cold - the catarrh is making him cough and this seems to have triggered a worsening of the nausea and sickness that had been getting better slowly. So much for putting the emergency bucket back in the cupboard….


As it’s easier to handle such feelings at home, especially first thing in the morning, we have abandoned plans to go to a festive gathering in Wells tonight (sorry, Chris - catch up with your in 2010); cancelled the B&B (but still have to pay due to the short notice…ah well, such is life) and will have a chilled out day at home instead.  Steve can rest and recuperate while I wrap the family presents and prepare food for tomorrow’s gathering of the wider Wride clan and partners.


Fingers crossed, Steve will feel like traveling tomorrow. He’s been rather dispirited these last few days, probably because of the cold developing. It’s that time when you look back over the old year and forward to the new one….I think that looking back has rekindled those feelings of anger, helplessness and frustration we experienced in June, when we first heard about Steve’s condition. 


Looking forward, Steve is wondering just what to do - he doesn’t feel in a position to make long term plans; the things he ought to do in the short term about legal matters, financial affairs and responding to the solicitor are not very appealing; the structure imposed on our day-to-day lives by the regular visits to hospital no longer exists, and he finds himself drifting, with little or nothing at the end of the day to show how he spent the hours.  When you are acutely aware of your own mortality, a feeling that that you have been wasting time does not put you in a positive frame of mind… 


Some how, he needs to find a focus or target that is challenging and rewarding, but still achievable in a limited period.  Something to work on, I think.

moving forward

Barring the unexpected, Steve had his last hospital appointment of 2009 yesterday.  Nothing to do with mesothelioma, but a return trip to the orthopaedic centre for the team to “review” his carbon fibre finger joint, which replaced the arthritic joint four years ago. It’s still there. Still working. No oil required.  


He was asked about his general health so had to tell them about the cancer, which rather puts his arthritis in the shade. Nevertheless, they have invited him back again in 12 months to see how the replacement finger joint is faring. Let’s hope that we are still here in a year’s time, moaning about a hospital appointment so close to Christmas….


We have also had what I hope will be the last trip to the GP in 2009: we both had our swine flu jabs on Tuesday and Steve also had the seasonal flu jab in his other arm. Poor thing - both arms aching, not just one.  Our arms are still a bit tender, and Steve has also been feeling tired these last couple of days, which we assume is the side effect of the two flu jabs - just when he’s almost recovered from chemo side effects….It will be a good day when he finally decides that it’s safe to put the emergency bedside bucket back under the kitchen sink!


With hospital and doctor’s appointments finally over for this year, we can move forward with preparations for Christmas. Time to wrap some presents, me thinks….