Sullen day

I have had a good day in work with my work mates and finished my 12 hour shift. I am feeling very tired and tearful. I am also felt angry because I have this disease. Everytime I see my children I wonder how long I have with them.
It breaks my heart to have to think about leaving them as I want them to know if it was my decision I would stay. I have to try and do all I can to make my stay as long as possible. Ideally I would like to have another 20 years but that is asking for too much. I have done better than the first oncologist expected as he felt I was finished within 6-9 months and that was back in December 2006.
I am feeling so choked while writing this. Why did I have to get this? What have I ever done that is so bad to deserve this? Nobody in the world should have to go through what myself and many others are going through, and I mean that with any terminal illness.
It is a nightmare, sometimes I can, quite happily, go on for weeks and not think about Theo but other times it hits me in the heart.
I feel so low at the moment and need to get back to my usual positive self.

Cosmos Feedback
I had a letter from Cosmos concerning my Lapland holiday and they have dismissed the complaint for a second time, telling me that I should have taken their offer of a 200 vocher towards their holiday and not taking into consideration my health or why we went there in the first place. I am still pursuing it and will not give up.
I will write another letter and get intouch with the hiararchy that run this sham of a business.