Unhappy day

I have not had a good day in work today. I don’t know if my home life is leaking into my work life but I have felt so tired and miserable today. I feel unsupported at times.
This is hard to deal with when I am stressed. It is a shame because I like my job but at times it is difficult.
I got my memory boxes yesterday and gave my 2 older children theirs. They do not want to talk to me about what is happening and I can understand that but I sometimes need to break out of the mum image and talk to them about the future.
I feel very lonely at times as I don’t think anyone can understand the horrors in my head apart from the friends I have made who are going through the same thing. I have some very good friends who are supportive and try to see my point of veiw and it must be difficult for them.
I want to have a miracle, like all terminally ill patients. I have to realise that this is not going to happen. I would love to have 3 christmas wishes.

*1 - to abolish all asbestos from the 1800s to the present, that would mean going back in time and my dad would still be here and myself and many other people would have our future back.
*2 - to have a cure for all cancers.
*3 - I am not sure about this one but am sure I can think of something.

I am not sure how to approach my youngest but I think I will leave things as they are and focus on our time we have now. I don’t know how long I have got and maybe I have got more than I think I have.
I really don’t know what time is the right time to talk about the situation.
I will wait for them to talk to me first.
All I know is that I love all 3 of them so much I could explode and Idon’t want to leave them.