A letter to Theo

Well….it is 2:59am and I have been woken up by my first night sweat. Not often I get these but with toothache aswell, the combination of the 2 disurbed my sleep.
Apparently, the night sweat rides alongside all the symptoms of Meso. Something else to look forward to no doubt!
I am also going through the menopause so it could be a hot flush…..Wow, I have a choice!!!

A lot of things are on my mind at the moment, formost is the diagnosis from the oncologist I saw on 18th Jan.
I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that Theo has grown (I am seriously thinking of sacking him as he is not fulfilling his part of the agreement) and the point of telling me in not so many words that I should accept the diagnosis and be grateful for what I have had as many people younger than me don’t get the life experiences I have.
Why should I be grateful? I don’t feel I should be grateful for having a disease that was given to me by a company that could have prevented it, My father should not have been grateful, infact, nobody should be grateful for being ill and wanting more than some person behind a desk decides as it is what they have read from a book and generalised about the patient.
I understand the tumour it has grown and I understand the consequences of that but it does contradict how I feel.
I am still walking as much as I did before and I have no pain and feel exactly the same.
I want to march into that office on July 4th and let the oncologist see that I am still in the same position I was on January 18th.

To Theo,
I am disappointed in you and am on the verge of dismissing you as you are not fulfilling your part of the contract.
This is a final warning, If you don’t pull your socks up and start behaving then I am afraid I will have to let you go.
It is unfortunate as we have been through so much since I discovered you and we have become quite close, It will be disappointing to lose you although our agreement should still stand, if you feel you cannot commit to the agreement, there are many other candidates who will be quite happy to step into your role and adhere to it.
You have 6 months to turn it around. I hope you can find it in yourself to support me as I have kept my side of the bargain and last of all, I hate goodbyes.
Debbie